It’s okay to be selfish and just do you
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Do you ever feel like you spend your life looking after everyone else and you come bottom of the pile? Let me tell you, it's okay to be selfish. The person that should always come first is YOU. We're brought up in a world where we're encouraged to put everyone else first but there are times when it's okay to make yourself the number one priority. How can you expect to look after anyone else when you're not looking after yourself?
Giving to other people is one of the greatest joys in life but you need to be selfish to have something to give in the first place. Being selfish to ultimately be selfless. The idea is not to stop giving to other people, but to give to yourself first so you are able to help others. We're very good at self-neglect due to feeling guilty if we don't answer the needs of everyone else, but what about your needs? Being selfish is essential when it's something your physical and mental health.
There's a common misconception that taking for yourself will take from others. There is no limit to the abundance that is available in this world but each individual has to be in the right mindset to see the opportunities and receive it. We all have dreams and the only way of achieving those dreams is to put yourself first. No-one else can achieve them for you! If you have a burning desire to achieve your dreams and start your goal setting journey; you need to make the time to visualise, plan, budget and monitor in order to get there.
Sometimes you need to say no to empower another person. Occasionally, we find ourselves doing things for other people when, in fact, this will hold them back. Our default position is to offer help but they need to discover things for themselves. Empathise, don't sympathise. This is a skill in which you understand their situation but you don't take the emotion on yourself. Be available to signpost, direct and offer advice but allow them to carve their own path. Ultimately, we’re all on our own journey. Sometimes our paths will align with someone else and we can walk harmoniously side by side but we will still be heading towards our own individual goals.
Sometimes you will need help and that's okay. I was in a relationship where I was supporting my partner with anxiety. I did the best I could but it wasn't until we broke up that I realised that I wasn't coping. I wasn't happy, I wasn't chasing my dreams and I wasn't getting the support that I needed. I wasn't in a place where I could recognise this and ask for help until I took a step back. Taking time out is such an important part of recovery, self-reflection and healing. This also applies if you're ill, run down, tired or you need some headspace to gain a new perspective. Take time out for yourself; be that a relaxing bath, reading a book (Nicholas Sparks is one of my favourite), going for a walk...whatever. Just make time for you.
We're often taught to be strong and resilient but emotions hold the key to moving forward. They are like our human GPS system. For example; if you know your destination in regards to a goal; how you're feeling will indicate whether you're heading in the right direction or not. If you feel anxious, scared, nervous or dread...maybe you're not in alignment with your goal. Don't get me wrong, sometimes those emotions are required in short bursts to boost motivation and performance, like job interviews, but when you're living with these emotions long-term it can be draining. It's important to acknowledge how you feel to adjust your path in life accordingly.
Emotions can also manifest as physical symptoms. I went through a period of time where I was sleeping for 14 hours a day; from the moment I came home from work to the second my alarm sounded in the morning. My body was making me sleep so I didn't have to face the reality that something needed to change. My GP wanted to put me on antidepressants but I declined and actively worked on my 'me time'. I've found the best activities for me are my casual Sunday morning runs and long distance hiking at my own pace. It's incredible how many monologues will run through your head during these activities, to provide you with answers and clarity.
So tell me...does what you're doing and how you're feeling right now align with your future goals and visions? If not something needs to change. That doesn't necessarily mean that you need to leave a relationship or quit a job; but it may mean that you need to face certain issues head on and have some conversations, with yourself and others, to get what you want. Remember that you don't need to cause confrontation or even have an excuse when being selfish to help yourself. Simply saying 'No' is enough.
Thank you for reading!
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